I Built a System This Week. It Almost Broke Me.

If you love this, share it.

If it helps you reflect, even better.

• Follow on LinkedIn - Building a Global South network for honest, non-extractive development work.

• Subscribe to this newsletter — Stories like this, every Sunday

• Listen to the podcast — Conversations on listening, silence & systems (coming soon)

I juggled 25 calendar events, 105 emails, Systems Design coursework, group coordination, a retreat, and this newsletter.

Most days felt full. Some days felt broken.

And this week held something personal too.

December 5 was the anniversary of our house. The first one where I wasn't at home. My mom was alone. When she called, I cried more than I expected.

It reminded me that the systems we live inside aren't just work and calendars. They hold our memories, our guilt, our love, our people. When those emotions shift, the whole system shifts.

One morning, I moved from a Roach Community retreat circle in Ranthambore, straight into a PLC-4 (Vikasa Taranga) coordination call, straight into unanswered emails.

No pause. No breath. My calendar looked fine. My body knew it wasn't.

That was the moment I realised something simple:

I wasn't managing a schedule. I was living a system. And like any system, it needs feedback loops, not just effort.

Here's what I learned:

In class, we study systems in villages and organisations. But the first system any of us needs to understand is much closer: our own week. Our energy. Our small daily choices about what matters.

This week, I saw where mine worked:

Showing up for my group even while away meant they didn't lose momentum while I was at the retreat.

Writing even when exhausted kept my thinking coherent instead of scattered across drafts.

Asking hard questions instead of pretending helped the group talk about absences and contribution honestly.

I also saw where it broke:

Too many containers meant I was holding campus work, PLC work, retreat conversations, and this newsletter in the same brain.

Too much context-switching meant I arrived late – mentally – even when I was on time on Zoom.

No real rest between cycles meant that by Friday, small tasks felt heavier than full days used to.

Systems don't fail because you're not working hard enough. They fail because you haven't named what truly needs to happen.

For me, naming it this week sounded like:

"This week is for holding my PLC-4 commitments steady and coming back from the retreat with one clear change in how I work – not for fixing everything."

Once I named that, it became easier to say no, to leave some emails for later, and to be fully present in fewer rooms.

So here's my reflection for you:

What system are you living in right now?
Not the big one - your life, your whole work.
The small one. The daily one.

Where does it work?
Where does it break?

Name it. Then redesign it.

That is the only work that matters.

Reply to this email with your answer. I read every single one.

With honesty,

Nami 🌊

"I learn by asking questions, naming systems, and telling the truth about what breaks them."